Thinking. Coming back again from Riga, Latvia, and a trip back in time. To my childhood and my cats.
How I loved them…and most of all Måns. Måns was my favourite… and only Mine. He was shocking black, and he lived a short summer at my grandmother’s.
This is not my grandmother’s house…but it could have been…
This is not my grandmother, sitting outside her house, waiting for me…but in my dreams, she still is.
Her cat, Rose (Rosa in Swedish), was rather wild – but I didn’t realise that. I always felt sorry for her…having to stay outside and never coming indoors for some warmth and cuddling. So, one day I let her in.
I should never have done that…I should have listened to my grandmother’s words. Rose went totally wild and scared when let inside. Of course I had closed the door – didn’t want her to disappear out again. But she was in shock and fiercely climbing the curtains, scratching and screaming…
My grandmother came inside and let her out. She never said a word about it…because she knew my heart. This chaos was punishment enough…and I was so ashamed…
Strange, how faded memories come back to you, when triggered by something you somehow recognize or remember. A house, an atmosphere, a tune, a voice, a word, a place…a cat.
And suddenly those old memories seem crystal clear again. They are just lingering there, in the shadowy, hidden corners of your mind…waiting.
And isn’t that just wonderful.
Måns? He disappeared the same day my school started again after that summer vacation. Grandmother told me. He had followed my steps, down the road and away to school. Never to be seen again.
He was charcoal black.
Slowing down means that I can have late, soft mornings if I like…but, I can also use the early mornings for hiking and reflecting.
Earlier this week there was an opportunity for a chilly, but sunny morning with no wind. I left my son at his job and went on to the wetlands I usually visit a couple of times each season.
The air was clear and cold, no wind, no sound.
I wondered if the birds had gone south all of them, or some would, like me, try to survive the harsh winter months. And…there they were…
When the fog lifted, I saw the cormorants – like old statues – sitting there, silently waiting.
When I was a child I was very fascinated by these spectacular birds…and I still am.
They are unreal, living statues…drying their wings.
Fascination. If you no longer can feel fascination or curiosity, I guess your life is… over.
When you look closer, but still cannot perceive the fog lifting or the morning light sifting through the leaves…
…when your first thought, walking through this morning forest no longer is: ”Why, this looks like powder snow!”…
…when you no longer stop to admire nature’s master weavers…
…or other little inhabitants on this Earth…
Then you are in danger of losing yourself…Your Self. I am so grateful I listened to my body and soul, realized where I was heading and took the consequences.
Think about it…Find your Self, do not lose yourself – if you have the possibility to choose.
Just think…this morning might not have been… mine.
I have taken a year off, and tomorrow is, once again, my birthday. So, Time is a tiny bit more on my side this year…even if in fact time is more on the ”running out” side…
Life is difficult, strange and wonderful. You never know what is waiting around the corner – no matter what your plans are. My intention is to use Thursdays for writing down some reflections made the current week…on anything that comes my way. I hope you would like to join me!
A whole year off – or forever? I don’t know anything but the need for slowing down. Maybe searching for the woman I once was… I used to paint and write poetry before the wheel started spinning too fast. Could I find my way back to… anything of what I once was? Maybe i don’t know what I will find. I will know more in August next year.
I read two posts on Seonaid’s blog this morning – breathofgreenair. Her posts always lift my spirits. She has that effect on me (and many others) – It’s the harmony, her way with words…and magical photography.
We met up in August last year, and in August again this year. From the start, I came to see the Tattoo, but deep in my heart I knew that for me, it was mostly to see Seonaid and her family again. To my great joy, she could have us for one day and one night.
Edinburgh is a great city, and I dearly love everything about it. Even in festival times, even if I’m not a real festival person…I used to avoid big happenings like parties and events. Somehow, as years go by, you are more or less forced to get used to them.
An hour or two is great fun, especially as Edinburgh city has got – Harry Potter!
I had two wishes, where the first one was a day out – to some of the beautiful places Seonaid weaves her stories around. Just to feel the atmosphere, letting her words come back to me. My second wish was to meet her lovely dogs again. My Bearded Collie, Amanda, left me in the year 2000, but I will never forget her. She was in colour just like Maisie and Willow. And her coat flying in the wind…
The fresh air against my skin and the joy of the dogs running free with the winds and waves…make me come alive and remembering.
I think we all enjoyed this, and I’m forever grateful to Seonaid and her girls.
It wasn’t that easy to get all three of them in the same picture – but here they are! Maisie, Willow and Molly.
Seonaid told me that on all beaches in Scotland, dogs are allowed to run free anytime of the year! Oh, the joy! In Sweden dogs are only allowed during winter time and for the rest of the year only on special ”dog beaches”.
Just before leaving Scotland, Edinburgh and this lovely family, we made a quick visit to the green oak forest as well. Of course the dogs found their way to cool water. This time floating in a river of sunny spots.
I cannot thank you enough for having us and giving us some of your precious time, Seonaid! I found a piece of my old self again, and I left a piece of my heart with you, your family and Scotland.
Leya 
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